The Lone Ranger movie matched with hearty food

Starring Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer & Tom Wilkinson

Rating 7/10


– A young fella goes to a carnival where he encounters the very old, very freaky Tonto (Depp), who tells him his life story.
– It’s 1869 in Texas and lawyer, John Reid (Hammer) is on a train and so is bad boy outlaw, Butch Cavendish (William Fitcher) who has been caught by John’s brother, Dan (James Badge Dale) and is getting ready to hang. But Cavendish’s men raid the train and steal him back then derail the poor old train.
– John heads back to town where he meets his sister-in-law, Rebecca (Ruth Wilson) who is secretly in love with J and vice versa, while Tonto sits in prison. Sigh.
– Dan deputises John and they head out in search for Cavendish but get ambushed by the gang who kill every single ranger except for John. Cavendish eats Dan’s heart in front of a very injured but alive John.
– Tonto and a spirit horse stumble on John and Tonto takes him to make him better then gives him a mask saying that a dead man is powerful and he’s probably a cool dude ‘spirit walker’ who cannot die.
– Tonto and John visit a brothel where they meet the mistress of the place, Red Harrington (Helenda Bonham-Carter) who has been badly injured by Cavendish. They find out that ‘natives’ have been raiding the settlements and they race out to find Rebecca and son, Danny (Bryant Prince) but when they get there they’re gone and they fight a few of Cavendish’s men dressed up as native indians.
– Railway man, Latham Cole (Wilkinson) claims the Comanches have broken their agreement and so he keeps building the railway across their land. I smell a rat!
– The Comanches catch Tonto and John, telling the white man about Tonto’s story. How he brought about the ruin of his people and how it has driven him crazy.
– It’s now that things get crazy, alliances are revealed and more trains are crashed, more people are killed and more silver is hoarded.


Now, while you should never drink on an empty stomach, try telling rough old cowboys that! So, let’s get rough, tough and pop on a giant white cowboy hat and drink one of these beauties… High West Silver Mojitos from The Vintage Mixer.


This movie had pretty bad reviews so I tried to watch it with new eyes, with my own opinions. So here they are… This is a fun movie. Johnny Depp is great as usual, playing a similar character to his beloved Jack Sparrow. But that’s cool. He does it so well. Hammer is cool but not as cool as he could have been, really. He wasn’t a real star, his horse, Silver was and Johnny was but Hammer just kept the action going, so, all good!

I love westerns and this one was a fun, action-packed ride full of shoot-em ups and cool train stunts. There’s double crossing, sad war moments, love and revenge! The only daggy thing about this movie was a bit of lame CGI but that’s just nit-picking. It’s a fun Friday night movie to watch with your partner or group of fun friends… with food of course.

So lower your expectations. This is no Schindler’s List. It’s fun, exciting and will take you back to westerns of your childhood (unless you’re 16!)

Main meal:

Now don’t shoot the messenger, but Tonto and John ate rabbit, right? So, let’s be brave and totally non-PC and make a little bit of a rabbit dinner for us to eat while we watch. Here’s a tasty recipe… Crispy Mustard Rabbit Legs from Cooking in Sens.

The Lone Ranger Trivia:

  • Budget – $225-250 million (who really knows they just kept the dollars flowing)
  • Johnny Depp suffered an awful fall but was saved by his beloved stunt horse who kindly stepped over him and not on him! Phew! Don’t touch the face, horsey!
  • All films featuring Depp and Bonham Carter have been directed by Tim Burton… except for this one.
  • The film was shot in Monument Valley but set in Colby, Texas.
  • This movie bombed at the box office due to bad reviews but they were based mostly on budget concerns and not on the content of the movie itself… apparently.
  • The Giant Powder Company featured on the dynamite was the first licensed manufacturer of the stuff.
  • Aussie Abbie Cornish and Jessica Chastain were considered for Rebecca.


If you’ve seen this movie, you cannot forget the horrible heart-eating scene. But we’re not cooking heart! I refuse! Rather, we’re turning the ick-ness on its head and, instead making a yummy sweet. It’s Linzer Heart Cookies from Shop Girl.


Image: Shop Girl

Were you turned off this movie by the nasty reviews?

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